Leaving Your Head Behind

We’ve all been there, caught up in our rampant thinking. Sure, it’s trying to be helpful but for the most part, it’s just noise.

You see, your thinking is just thinking. You have a sixty to eighty thousand thoughts in a day. That’s 50 thought a minute! All of this activity made of air, one thought no more true than the next. But they all seem so real! 

And when you see an attractive woman you want to talk to you, I imagine those thoughts bump up to 100 in a minute! Not many of them kind, I’m sure. “She’s busy. I’m busy. She wouldn’t like me. I’m not wearing the right clothes. I’m too old for her. People don’t do things like this. I don’t have to talk to her. I’ll see her again.” This is the freeway pile-up of thoughts in my own head. Sound familiar?

All this thinking makes approaching and connecting with a woman really, really tough. Because you’re not connecting with another person, you’re connecting with your thinking about the other person. All the thinking and planning in the world won’t help you feel grounded, clear and connected.

So I’ve been trying an experiment these days, inspired by fellow Fearless coach, Josh Dodds. Let’s call it Leaving Your Head Behind. 

This is weird but cool.

When you see a woman you’re attracted to, willfully drop all that head energy into your body and put full attention it’s sensations. Your only thoughts should be curiosity about your body.

In that moment, experience your body like it’s not even yours. Then walk towards her. Feel your body. Feel your nerves. Feel your feet walking. (If you have a thought, make it, “Wow, look at my feet walking.”) It might feel like you’re watching a movie featuring your body.

If this feels surreal, good.

Now just start talking. What falls out of your mouth might surprise you.

If you’re still struggling with all your thinking, try simply walking towards women or simply walking in the world, watching and feeling your body move through space.

This approach also works for everything else we think are challenging -  paying bills, doing laundry, making a tough phone call, asking for a raise - all the things we have stories around - “This is hard. This is complicated. This is scary. This is impossible.” We think we need to plan and gird our loins. Which makes it very challenging to start. Just drop into your body, tell your thinking to go fuck itself for a while and start moving. 

So don’t stand there thinking, move forward with feeling. And in that unknown space, you’ll be surprised at what can happen.